In the Thick of It: Raising a Family While Answering the Call to Birthwork

by Kaytee Crawford IBCLC CD CPE CST DBB LC

A lot of people ask how birthworkers balance supporting other families while raising their own. The truth is, it’s not something most of us figure out alone.

I’ve been married for over fifteen years and I’m raising four boys, currently ages 15 down to 5. I started birthwork in 2019, and it didn’t come into my life during some quiet, spacious season. I was called to this work in the thick of parenting. And when the ancestors call, you don’t really get to ignore them.

By my second year in this work, I was pregnant with my fourth in 2020. There wasn’t a clean separation between building this work and growing my family. It was all happening at the same time. And like everyone else, I was also navigating the uncertainty and intensity of COVID for the first time, which added another layer to both the work and home life.

That meant the question of balance wasn’t theoretical. It was happening in real time. Babies don’t arrive on tidy schedules, and birthwork doesn’t stay within business hours. There have been evenings when dinner is halfway cooked and my phone buzzes, and suddenly the rest of the night looks very different.

And if I’m being real, there were seasons where I was still actively breastfeeding and pumping while supporting other families. I pumped at births. I pumped during overnight postpartum visits. I figured it out in between supporting someone else’s baby and taking care of my own body. That part doesn’t get talked about enough, but it’s very real.

The reason I’ve been able to sustain this work for as long as I have is because it was never just my work. It has always been supported by the people around me.

My husband has been a huge part of that. When you’re on call for births or supporting families through the unpredictable rhythms of pregnancy and postpartum, having someone who understands the nature of the work matters. It means flexibility. It means trust. It means someone holding things down at home when you walk out the door.

I also want to say this clearly. Not every birthworker is doing this work with a partner. Many are parenting solo, co-parenting, or building family in ways that don’t fit a traditional mold. That doesn’t make the work less possible, but it does mean support has to be built more intentionally. Community, planning, and shared care become even more essential. None of this work is meant to be done in isolation.

My older two boys, now fifteen and thirteen, have grown up alongside this work. They help in ways that feel natural to them. They watch their younger siblings, step in when needed, and understand that sometimes I have to leave because someone else’s baby is on the way. It’s not something I expect from them, and it’s not something I take lightly. It’s something we’ve grown into as a family.

Before they were old enough to help, my community filled that gap. And for me, that didn’t come from extended family like grandparents, aunts, uncles… That wasn’t a reliable option. What I had to do instead was build community on purpose. Like many birthworkers, I relied on what was available and what we could create together. There were daycare swaps, childcare exchanges, and friends showing up when schedules overlapped in ways that only birthwork can create. Chosen family of sorts. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. One day I supported someone else, another day they supported me. That kind of care doesn’t always get named, but it’s foundational.

Part of making this sustainable has been honesty. Honesty with myself and with the families I support.

I’m very clear about my responsiveness. If it’s an emergency, I’m there as soon as possible. If it’s a question about which pump to buy or something that isn’t urgent, I ask for grace. Give me two to three business days to respond. I have four kids. I’m not pretending I can be everything, all the time, without limits. And I don’t think that’s a standard we should be holding birthworkers to in the first place.

In a lot of ways, parenting while doing birthwork has made me more clear about my boundaries, not less. Not perfect, not always smooth, but more clear. There’s something about caring for multiple families, including your own, that forces you to get honest about your capacity.

And I think that matters.

Because when birthworkers model boundaries, even imperfectly, we’re showing families something important. We’re showing that care doesn’t have to mean depletion. That being responsive doesn’t mean being constantly available. That it’s okay to name what’s urgent and what can wait. That support can be both present and sustainable.

What people often call balance in birthwork isn’t really about everything being evenly distributed. It’s not a perfect split between work and family. It’s more like a constant adjustment. Some seasons lean heavier one way, others feel more aligned, and sometimes it just feels messy.

Birthwork is deeply relational. The same skills we bring to supporting families, communication, trust, adaptability, are the same ones we rely on at home. Over time, those two worlds don’t feel separate. They inform each other.

I’ve learned that sustaining this work requires honesty about what’s possible, flexibility when things shift, and deep appreciation for the people who make it possible in the first place.

My family has grown alongside my work. Not separate from it, not in competition with it, but alongside it. And in many ways, they are part of the reason I’m able to show up for other families the way I do.

Balance, for me, has never meant doing everything perfectly. It has meant staying connected to my work, to my family, and to the community that holds all of it together.

And if there’s anything I would offer to other birthworkers navigating this same question, it’s this:

You don’t have to do it alone. You’re not supposed to.

Kaytee Crawford is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, a Certified Craniosacral Therapist, and mother of four who supports families through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum with a focus on connection, honesty, and community care. You can learn more about Kaytee’s work at twincitieslactation.com.