Ways to Support Families Exploring or Parenting Through Transracial Adoption
You probably already know someone who is adopted or who is thinking about adopting. Today, around 7 million Americans are adopted and nearly 100 million Americans have adoption in their immediate family.
While many of those adoptions are same race adoptions, where the parent and child share the same racial and/or ethnic background, around 40% of adopted people are transracially adopted. Transracial adoption is defined as “the joining of racially different parents and children together in adoptive families.” The majority of transracial adoptions in the United States are by white parents adopting BIPOC children.
When working with individuals or families considering transracial adoption, you’ll cover many of the same excitements, challenges, worries, and questions as you would with any growing family, but adopting transracially requires an additional level of education and preparation.
Naming Some of The Complexities of Transracial Adoption
Most, if not all, domestic and international adoption programs in the United States do not require significant (if any) additional training and education for parents adopting transracially. Until the 1980s, most families were told to “treat your children as white.” This resulted, unsurprisingly, in a significant lack of knowledge and understanding of what it means for children to grow up with different race parents and has contributed to the sometimes devastating outcomes for transracial adoptees including higher levels of mental illness. A 2013 study consisting largely of transracial adoptees found that adoptees were around four times more likely to report attempted suicide than their non-adopted peers.
Being a transracial adoptee can be an isolating, confusing experience, with many adoptees raised without any racial peers or role models or space to discuss their racial identity with their families. The continuing rise of racial violence against BIPOC in the United States and Canada leaves transracial adoptees feeling especially vulnerable, without parents who can understand their racial experience and have often been told to ignore their children’s racial differences.
Ways to Support Families Exploring or or Parenting through Transracial Adoption
As a doula, you may be the first person to challenge and hold space for questioning long-held beliefs and myths about transracial adoption with individuals and families. Here are a few tips to provide comprehensive support to individuals and families looking to adopt transracially or who have adopted transracially.
1. Understand and be able to explain the challenges and power dynamic inherent in transracial adoption.
It is important to be well versed in transracial adoption, its history, and the inherent power dynamic when talking to individuals and families about transracial adoption. Stay current on your own education and be able to provide resources to individuals and families by consuming content written by adoptees and birth parents/first parents. Be discerning about where you’re getting your information about adoption - much of the information readily available about transracial adoption is written by adoptive parents or folks who are not connected personally to adoption. While their perspective is valuable in some situations, there is a wealth of knowledge from adoptees and birth/first parents who can share their first hand experiences and advice. A few good places to start are with Cam Lee and Hannah Jackson Matthews (both transracial adoptees) and Kelsey and Ashley Mitchell (both birth/first mothers).
Adoption in the media and in popular culture is often portrayed as a win-win situation - a way for adoptive parents to “save” children and a way for children to be “saved.” This creates a strange power dynamic, further enhanced by our white supremacist society, that portrays all adoptive parents as benevolent, generous heroes who deserve adoration and appreciation, and promotes the idea that children need to be grateful and to “earn” the love of their adoptive parents. This is not only incorrect, it is a dangerous and harmful way for children to feel.
Individuals and families aren’t heroes for wanting to grow their families by adoption. Adoption can be a great way to grow a family, AND this power dynamic needs to be continually challenged even if individuals and families are not repeating this language directly. Adoptees are always exposed in society to these beliefs, so families need to be proactive at addressing the dynamic and challenging it when they hear and absorb these tropes. Invite clients into these considerations and conversations.
2. Encourage families to do their research on what adoption agencies and/or practitioners they are working with.
Not all adoption agencies and practitioners are created equal. Some are truly anti-racist and have shown their commitment to social justice, others are either uninterested or genuinely believe there is no difference between same race and transracial adoption. Some require additional trainings that are relevant to current adoption practice, others rely on outdated and stale curriculum that meets the minimum requirements.
When considering an adoption agency or practitioner, encourage families to ask critical questions. A good place to start is to ask what resources or adoption professionals the agency or practitioner might recommend to individuals or families considering adoption transracially. Are the resources current and challenging to the “white savior” adoption narrative? Are the practitioners BIPOC and/or adoptees themselves? Does the agency or practitioner do any work to support family preservation or is their purpose solely to place children with adoptive families? Are there any BIPOC folks or adoptees on staff? Do BIPOC folks or adoptees hold positions of leadership? Take a look at the adoption agency blog or social media - are there just photos of smiling white parents with BIPOC children or are there more critical resources and information about transracial adoption and post-adoption resources for families and children? Encourage families to question and challenge their adoption agencies or practitioner or to seek out another agency or practitioner that is truly committed to racial justice.
3. Explore motivations for adopting transracially critically and consciously.
Many individuals and families come to adoption after infertility (but not always!). Some folks want to adopt transracially because they either believe it to be their only option or that it might be “faster” than same race adoption processes. Others may feel religiously called to adopt or have heard of a positive experience from friends or family.
Whichever way folks decide to adopt transracially, it is important for them to explore their motivations for adopting critically to determine if growing their family in this way is the best way forward. How do they feel about discussing their own race? Do they only want to adopt to “save” a child? Do they “not see color”? Have they taken the time to examine the power dynamic inherent in adoption and the common adoption narrative? How committed are they to ensuring their child’s culture and racial/ethnic background is actively, daily represented in their lives?
While it isn’t your job as a doula to prevent an individual or family from adopting transracially, asking critical questions and encouraging thoughtful reflection can help an individual or family to make the decision that best supports adoptees to develop a positive racial identity. Some families might worry that they’ll be seen as racist or racially insensitive if they don’t adopt transracially, but the truth is that some folks haven’t done the work to be the supportive, racially conscious parents that a transracial adoptee needs. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are racist, but it likely means they need to do more work on their own understanding of race and racial justice before bringing a BIPOC child into their family. In this case, putting plans on hold to adopt transracially or deciding to adopt through a same race process is the best way forward.
4. Help families commit to racial justice in a thoughtful way.
When working with families considering adoption, it is important to know that adopting transracially and parenting a BIPOC child isn’t a one-time act but a lifelong journey. Individuals and families adopting transracially need to commit to racial justice in a thoughtful way for the rest of their lives. This goes beyond integrating books, toys, and movies that are relevant to their child’s culture into their lives and connecting with families formed in all different ways, including other transracial adoptees - though these are all great places to start!
Families need to intimately understand the challenges faced by their children and all BIPOC children that come with growing up in a culture dominated by white supremacy and where their children will be visible people of color. They need to keep up with news and current events that impact their children, including police brutality against Black and Indigenous folks and violent actions against people of Asian descent. They need to be prepared to discuss these events with their children and be a safe space for their children to share racist events they experience or witness.
Folks adopting transracially need to feel comfortable discussing their own race and racial dynamics with their children from a very young age. While many families I’ve worked with have told me they don’t think their children “sees” race, we know that racial bias can begin in babies as young as six months. Children are never too young to discuss race and to form their own racial identities and parents are critical in ensuring that transracial adoptees are supported and encouraged to form a positive view of their own racial and ethnic group.
Kara (she/her) is a transracially adopted person and an expert on international and transracial adoption based in Ottawa, Canada. Born in South Korea, she has spoken to hundreds of adoptees, adoptive parents, and prospective adoptive parents about transracial adoption, special needs adoption, anti-racism, and allyship. She presents on transracial adoption at The Children’s Bridge’s AdopTALK, at the Adoption Council of Ontario, and at PRIDE Ontario trainings and co-leads series for pre-adoptive and adoptive parents and adoption practitioners on transracial adoption, social justice and allyship. She also coordinated the Connect-a-Kid Adoptee Mentorship Program, run by The Children’s Bridge and the Adoption Council of Canada, for young adoptees. As Associate Director of Outreach and External Relations at Spence-Chapin in New York City, she presented at the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) Conference and to print, radio, and television media on adoption and child welfare-related topics. Raised in the United States, she holds a Master of Public Administration from American University and a Bachelor of Arts in International Affairs from George Washington University. Learn more about her at www.karaeusebio.com.